Questions and Answers: Pro-Doms
Q: I have pondered seeing a Pro-Dom for a while but I think that any relationship with a Pro removes intimacy
. . . perhaps
I have read this kind of thing in various places, that a session with a Pro would not be intimate, often by someone who says that they would never have such a session.
I have watched this thread for a while and I think that I can shed some light on this subject. Since nearly 15,000 sessions have been done at BackDrop over the past nearly forty years, I think I have more than little information on which to base my statements.
As usual, the traits of a few have been placed on the heads of many. The term Pro-Dom is being used to connote everyone who does sessions outside the party scene and/or personal relationships. Those who provide sessions fall into many subcategories.
Now, BEFORE you hit the magic "reply to this message" macro button on your keyboard, I am not trying to immolate any group that I have listed. These are the terms I use as a filter when I am talking to people about the scene, as I see it. I'm sure there are many other groups and subgroups as well. The words and/or titles that YOU use may vary according to your experiences.
Okay, here we go: Flame Alert: ("Asbestos teddy time" as we used to say).
A Professional Dominatrix may or may not exchange dollars for services, but they are professional. As in many professions (doctors, lawyers, programmers, etc.) there is a minimum level of competency, training, and tools required to be a Professional Dominatrix. Most of them are quite intelligent (it takes gray matter to sustain a fantasy), sensitive (they listen and communicate with their client) and empathetic (they will often spend more time with the client before and after the session than the time spent in session). They spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to maintain clothing and session equipment. They listen to the personal needs, problems and confessions of a client that they wouldn't tell their priest, a lawyer, etc. The Professional explores and acts as tour guide to areas of sexuality that the client is often unable to discuss with his significant other.
A Lifestyle Mistress is a term that started on the East Coast. They often use this term to separate themselves from other Pro Doms. They put a lot of positive energy into organizations and help promote SCC BDSM.
A Dominatrix Intern is a Professional Dominatrix in training. They are usually hand picked by a sponsor to receive the knowledge of their chosen profession. They are chosen for their raw abilities, sensitivity and empathy. They know the mechanics of a scene, and with a little effort, they will eventually rise to the level of their teacher/mentor.
A Commercial Dominatrix charges for their services. For the most part, they have watched a movie, read a book, attended a party, or talked to a girlfriend about sessions and see that this is an easy or fun way of turning time into dollars. They usually don't have the depth of experience of a Professional Dominatrix. A Party Dominatrix floats from event to event to be "scene and not heard." When we used to do the demos at Bondage a go go (long time ago), we would watch these young ladies get dolled up in their >Dom wanna be outfits, absorbing the energy of the men who were looking for a true lifelong relationship cleverly disguised as a one night stand. (We used to joke that they were into S&M: Stand and Model.) They are willing to do something ’domish’ if you buy them a drink or give them some token of friendship.
As you can imagine, very few people fit exactly into one box or another. A "sessions house" like BackDrop, Fantasy Makers or CastleBar (and many others) may have a mix of people from each of the above groups.
There are also really good people and really bad people in each of the groups, and to be honest, I have seen people from each of the above groups do very well financially.
"Comes the true test": If you really want to experience a professional session, do it the same way you find a dentist. Talk to someone you trust and ask for a referral. (Think of the underlying analogy here!!!) If you do not have someone you can ask, go interview the person you want to do the session with and ask them questions. As a matter of fact, ask a lot of questions. You are placing your emotional life in her hands, so ask a lot of questions!