A very good friend was having man problems and said, "I am afraid he will leave me."
My advice is to
- Treat him like you want him to treat you
- Be concerned without being smothering.
- Love him without mothering.
- Talk to him without dithering.
- Hold him close and "slither"
He won't leave --
loRRett tells her girls
- "Think about a man like you would a male cat. If you try to smother him, he will run away. Provide a warm loving place with food and milk with a door that isn't always closed. If you try to lock a cat up, it will run the first time a door or window is opened. Let him put his head in your lap and pet him. Talk to him in a smooth sexy, almost child-like tones.
- Ask yourself how would YOU treat a feral cat? Treat him the same way.
- If he wants to run away, what can YOU offer him to stay?"
"Are you Lonesome tonight?"
This is an article that I originally wrote for Common Bonds #19. It applies as much today as it did then.
During the past few months, I have heard a lot of negative comments about:
- The number of single females that want little to do with a number of the single men in this club;
- Several of the staff members hold the keys to several collars at a time; and,
- A lot of "professional dominants" attend our parties.
I think that it is time that we address some of the comments and maybe give you a little better insight into yourself.
It seems that most of the people who join BackDrop enjoy the fantasy of finding their "ideal mate". The dominant male is looking for a virginal, young, beauty to become his willing slave, who will let him teach her his slate of rules. The submissive male is looking for a beautiful, Amazonian, experienced Mistress who will force them to do those things that they really want to do anyway. The dominant female is looking for a boy-child who is virile and strong and will fetch and carry and take care of their Mistress. The submissive female is looking for a Patrick Swayze-type who will sweep them off their feet and turn them into love-slaves who never get out of bed.
It seems to me that all four of these groups have a minor flaw in basic formulas. They are all looking for someone who has never been involved with anyone else. They are all looking for virgins. A little bit of quick math. The average adult is involved sexually three to five times a week. That means that this same average adult has sex, conservatively, about 6000 times (four times a week multiplied by fifty weeks multiplied) during a period of thirty sexually active years. How many times out of 6000 times can a person be a virgin? One in six thousand, right? RIGHT! If you dated six thousand people, you will have found one virgin. The same odds would appear to be true. And that one will be scared, ashamed, and they will NOT know what to do next.
One of the reasons that I have a lot of "followers" is that I end up being the local "doll hospital". It seems to me that most of the ladies that I have gotten involved with over the years have had one thing in common with each other. Almost every one of them was just "escaping" from a bad relationship. They were physically, emotionally, spiritually or intellectually abused. I have picked up these wounded souls from many places. I have listened to their problems. I have fed and clothed them. I have given them shelter.
It is real easy to get involved with a person who has a nice wardrobe, a nice smile and a pleasant personality. In some cases, the ladies came to me with nothing but the clothes on their back and an empty stomach. Some had broken bones, burn marks, broken teeth and, even worse, broken spirits. Some showed up with a drug or alcohol dependency.
I have stayed up nights nursing them back to health. I have spent many hours talking to them, and more importantly, listening. I have taken the time to put these broken dolls back together. Why, then, should people get upset when I put a little sticker that says, "Repaired by the Robin Roberts Doll Hospital" on them. I have found jobs, housing, clothing and even mates.
I remember a specific past-member. He has found, that I know of, four of his past girl friends at BackDrop. All of them are people who I retrieved from the "trash-heap of life". After helping them get back on their feet, emotionally, financially and physically, along comes "Mister Smooth". "Why don't you let me take you away from all of this stuff at BackDrop? After all, you aren't safe there. The only people who attend club events are weird and perverted." Wait a minute! If he came here, met her here, and everyone here is weird and perverted, then isn't he.... ?
I am often amused by the number of times I have heard the statement that "I am here to find someone to play with because my wife, husband, mate, friend, room mate, doesn't understand me." If you were as honest with your mate as you were with me, maybe your mate would be more willing to play. What you want is a twelve hour commitment to love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. And then you get upset when you find out they lied about the fact they are married and not single? Sorry, but you won't find much sympathy from this author. Perhaps if you were to share your true and open feelings with someone else, they would be open and honest and treat you with respect.
A RELATIONSHIP is a situation where both of the people have respect, love, caring and feelings for the other person. They are willing to give everything, and then give a little bit more. Think back. I am sure that we, every one of us, remember someone who has helped you. Maybe that is why so many of the members, both male and female, remember that I have helped them. I have challenged them to get off their ass, stand tall, and make decisions that concern their own lives. Being submissive, like being a Master, is a conscious decision. It is not done by default. It is a person who should sit down and take stock of their lives and decide.
Maybe you are alone tonight. Maybe you feel like you want to go out and party. Would YOU be willing to stay home with a sick friend, or maybe visit someone who is in a hospital? If you are not willing to do that for someone else, why should they visit when YOU are under the weather? If you were a little more willing to help someone else in their time of need, maybe you would have someone who would party with you when they are feeling better.
And now for the number of Professionals at our events. Dominant females (and professional submissives) provide a valuable service to our community. A lot of the people who have "come out of the closet", have done so at the urging of a professional. If you remember back, I am sure that it was calling and talking to someone on the phone that first got you to open up to the idea that maybe you weren't sick and perverted. That, maybe it was ok to fantasize about sexual activities. More importantly, they talked you into opening up to other people, if it was in a one-on-one situation to begin with.
How does that person get paid for the thousands of hours of telephone counseling? Some are volunteers, like here at BackDrop. Some are professional physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists who work in licensed clinics. Some are professional session’s people who charge for their services. But even the volunteers need to have a building to work within. Even if they don't receive a salary, the rent on the building must be paid. We do not grant "fee passes" to the professionals. They pay for the events just like you. They attend BackDrop events because they want to have fun. They want to communicate and exchange ideas with their peers. They are here to find that special someone in their lives, just like you!