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  • Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
  • Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even though the be dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
  • Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.
  • If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself.
  • Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery, But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
  • Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
  • Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth; Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
  • Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
  • You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is folding as it should.
  • Therefore be at peace with your God, whatsoever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
  • With all its sham, drudgery any broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann


Aparody of "Desiderata"

Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice, even though they may be turkeys, for they may control your future. Know what to kiss, and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Remember the Alamo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the F.B.I. or try one of those internet programs to investigate people. Exercise caution in your daily affairs (especially with those persons closest to you) those on your right and left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of lost souls would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth: clean air, health, optimism and idealism. And let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with good looks. For a good time, call 555-0622, ask for Candie. Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is demonstrating to you a healthy attitude toward life: no worries. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, things could be worse.

You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you conceive him to be -- hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. It is not too late to give up.


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